People say that when girls cut their hair or do something drastic to their hair, it means something. I recently cut my hair short, not the shortest it’s ever been, but still short compared to how long it was before. It feels nice, having shorter hair! Whether or not it means something is yet to be seen. Last time I did something drastic to my hair, I permed it and I got styes all year long. I looked really different.
I guess I look pretty different now too. At church someone tried to introduce himself to me again, even though I had just met him on Friday.
Maybe I do wish that cutting my hair is a sign of a new me. “That’s why her hair is so big.. it’s full of secrets.” Starting afresh, starting new, released of past burdens and past heaviness.
Unfortunately, as of now, that is a change that is yet to happen. I wish I could change the past – or, I wish I could completely cut myself off from it and be a new me. Clean cut. Like I can wake up the next day and boom, everything is different. It seems like this past summer (in my dramatic Asian drama thinking) I’ve had to come face to face with past insecurities and fears and ugliness. A lot of things that sent me thinking on the path of “what if things had been different?” which sometimes is not the best way to think. Ugh. Even trying to blog about it now and thinking of it makes me shudder and not want to think those thoughts.
Ugh. Anyways. Sorting through this mess of a post. I was thinking about it this morning and wishing desperately that I could extricate myself from this tangle of things and just wanting to be free, and I realized something very important. The past is just like Devil’s Snare – the more you struggle against it, the more it’ll bind you. I also realized that I know far more Harry Potter lore than I should admit in public…