In order to make sure I was using the word “volatile” correctly in this blog title, I looked it up on dictionary.com. I guess it applies in the sense that I wanted it to, but I feel like there could have been a better word as well. I’ve just been stuck on the word volatile for a while. Maybe because I feel volatile (adj: tending to break out into open violence; explosive) and sometimes feel like screaming or throwing things. I am crazy. I know. Sometimes when I am driving on the freeway I yell inside my car, which makes my throat hurt afterwards, but I do feel a bit better afterwards.
Anyways, it is now September and I am no closer to figuring out what I want to do in the future than I was at the beginning of August. It also seems that I average about one blog post a month. Oh well. Life seems pretty bleak at times but working part-time (although my hours have steadily been increasing…) helps take my mind off things and I run occasionally and go to dance classes occasionally and somehow the days and weeks go by.
A topic that has been on my mind lately though is how much my friendships have changed over this past year. Or even in the past summer. It started with the acquisition of different friends during the course of my year in New York; I really enjoyed the friendship I had with a few girls in my ballet class and although we didn’t see each other often outside of class, it was nice to know that there were people out there I could hang out with if I wanted to. But now that we’ve all been scattered to different locations again, how often am I going to see them? Realistically, how often am I going to contact them? Even with the girls I met during Ballet San Jose (actually, only just one. Haha. I don’t make friends easily.) I still text her every now and then especially as she just started her traineeship (which she definitely deserved!) and hopefully I will get the courage to go watch a few of their performances and whatnot. But besides that…
Or even the friends I made during college – is it just me? I know I lack the urge and the motivation to actively pursue people to “meet up and catch up.” So maybe I am to blame. But I know there are friendships that have grown even deeper over the past year and ones that I’ve never expected, as well as ones that I know won’t be the same again and ones that I approach with apprehension.
So I would like to point out that friendships are not always forever, but actually very susceptible to change. And termination.
Friendships are with individuals, not with groups or communities.