We made it through a week of teething, first round of Covid vaccine, maybe some constipation, and general fussiness and bad sleep from Junie! Good job Junie and parents for not completely falling apart! I think I had at least one mini meltdown every day, and chances are high of more meltdowns this week. Maybe it's breastfeeding hormones - it seems like my output from pumping is dropping, which could be due to stress, or maybe my period, or maybe I need to replace pump parts. Or maybe a combo of everything. Anyways, I could blame my hormones for all these mental breakdowns, but I think regardless of any chemical imbalances being a mom and a woman is just hard. Definitely been experiencing a lot of imposter syndrome lately - in both motherhood and work. There have been many days lately when I don't want to talk to anyone at work because I feel like I just say all the wrong things and give all the wrong suggestions. I don't feel like I've been a very supportive or good manager lately and although I know my team is very self-sufficient I feel guilty for not being a better manager.
I know I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself... but I still can't help but compare myself to other managers, women, moms - and then just feel inferior all over again... a vicious cycle.
Anyways. On a lighter note, sometimes I think about how Junie is similar to a cat. Or a dog. We have to clean up after her poo and she scratches me and bites me if I'm not careful. And we can teach her new skills/tricks. Well, right now she doesn't really have any tricks... but she has figured out how to army crawl in her own fashion to get what she wants so that is kind of a fun trick to show off. I also discovered these insane short baby hairs this past week that sent me into a panic thinking about how I need to style my hair for the upcoming weddings and events we're attending. With some strategic blow drying and combing I think I can make my hair look... not so frizzy...
Happy August, friends. Hoping for some positive mindset changes in August for myself, and for you if that's what you need right now too!