Having self-control is a very difficult and tiring thing, as I am learning more and more recently – and something that inevitably comes with the scary territory of “growing up”. Self-control goes hand in hand with discipline, which goes against my natural tendency to want to throw myself on my bed and either a) crawl under the covers and never come out again or b) thrash around and throw a tantrum.
My lament these last few weeks has been that there is never enough time to do anything – the number of useable after-work hours and even the number of days in a week is not enough to plan all the things I want to do, with the appropriate rest days and matching other people’s schedules. I can’t run and go to small groups consistently and go to yoga and bake and read and watch TV – there are things I need to cut out so that I don’t go crazy.
It’s hard knowing what to cut out, though. What would be the most beneficial to my life, or what will make the best investment? I just want to do everything, but I can’t, and it makes me frustrated and makes me feel even more incapable of doing anything.
I guess my solution nowadays is just to take things one month at a time, and base my activity priorities around that. For example, I’m running a race next weekend so training for that has taken priority over things like watching TV and ballet (sigh). It’s been difficult sticking with it but I’m glad I have, even though I’m not sure how well I will be able to run next weekend without feeling like dying post-run. (help!)
I’m also leaving for Hawaii in three and a half weeks so dread at having to wear a swimsuit and be in photos has scared me into eating yogurt for breakfast, salad for lunch, and – more running. So, less baking (sigh times 2).
I mean, these are all small things, but even in these small things it’s hard to have self-control and discipline – I guess this is still just “training” for the more meaningful things to come.